Ego

We all did have our past, I believe.  

My past was very very complicated.  

Ain't like now,  all i have to do is just to walk straight and I know someone will always be there when i fell.  

Few years ago,  I had a friend,  just like a sister to me.  

We were young,  very young indeed. 

We're both stubborn, stand firm on our decision.  

And it happened twice,  that we stop contacting each other.  

I was hurt deeply by her,  she was hurt deeply by me.  

Our ego cause these,  we didnt tolerate , I didnt tolerate.  

I happened so many years ago, I dont know should I even rmb what happened and still putting it in my heart.  

Those harted and grudge,  I dont feel its necessary for me to still keep it.  

I took up my courage to look at her blog and eventually I was lead to her insta..  

All these while I've stop looking into her stuff or even bother to being curious because I know there's so much hate, I doesnt wanna get hurt again and again.  

I read,  how her life is being so so good,  im glad. I was smiling when reading them,  without me realizing.  

Knowing how she's been dealing with death lately,  I kept thinking.  

Will everything still be alright?  

Looking at the insta,  im still being called as a bitch by her till now. 

Probably what I did was really really wrong that she hated me so much.  Lol. 

To be honest,  I was hurt.  I keep thinking again and again of what happen. 

And I still couldnt understand half of it.  

Nor remembering it.  

But understandable if she hated me.  Because I know she's someone who stand really firm on her choices.  

For the past years,  people asked why do i still hold on to my past relationship after being hit for a year.  

( yes,  and all i heard now that he's spreading how bad i am ). 

Since he's spreading and kept blaming me for getting myself out from the hell,  I dont mind saying this now.  

I thought i wouldnt spill. 

But boy, you should just take note of what i've said since the threathing since day one. 

When I said i will,  I will.  

Yes,  ppl asked.  All i answered is " I was dumb. I held on. "

Honestly,  when a friend told me not to be with him,  I didnt listen.  

I rather lose a sisterhood and be with him.  

I got hit after being with him for 8 months.  

Slapped,  dragging me down the stairs,  kicking me out from the car, etc etc...

And it happened for a year.   

Oh well,  I didnt leave.  

Just because im afraid she will tell me " see.  I've told u so. "

Ok la.  Maybe she wont tell me.  But she will say it la.  

And u see,  my big ego,  tell me " I rather being this way than hearing or knowing her say that ". 

Now i know what it meant by ego kills.  LOL.  

Just for those few words,  I rather got torture and held it on. 

I start spilling it out now,  not because I wanted to get back a treasure after losing another treasure.  

I know i'll be aim even more after posting this,  but hey,  I just feel like i must make something clear here. 

I dont know who to spill,  my blog is something where i can just spill anything. 

I've met the exactly same friend as her.  Few years elder, very protective,  being there when im upset or need to talk, always cheer me up when im down,  but it just feel like something is amiss. I couldn't call her like i used to call my friend,  I couldn't talk to her like i talk to my friend. 

Its just...  different.. 

Probably should just stop otherwise people will say im just trying to get attention or advantages like how it used to happen previously..  

I got tired of all those shits,  I just dont want any trouble.  

I need more peace.  Haha.  

And I shall stop being curious because i dont think i can handle hurtful stuff anymore. Lol

I got myself really drunk last sat,  till i dont rmb what happened. 

Friends called marcus to pick me up. 

I barely walk,  all they can do is to carry me to the car,  and the rest was history. LOL.  

Marcus claimed i've been spilling everything till 4am. And i woke up with major headache.  :( 

Ya la,  I learn not to spill too much of whats in my heart because I doesnt want others to get affected by my own problem. 

Its not really a problem la.  Just a lil upset? 

Ok la.  Quite upset T.T 

But im fine,  i'll be fine.  

Leaving hell and an angel held me his hands.  

Im now living happily and have someone who doesnt throw me his temper.  Lol. 

Till now no temper shown.  Abit dangerous. Hahahhahaha.  

God has planned a better life for me now and my day end with smiles eventhough im tired. 

Why am I so so so tired?  

Tadahhhhh!  

Janice and i has been working till 2-3am to finish up all the orders! 

These are not it.  We are still making more cakes and others are in another chiller 

because one chiller isnt enough.  Lol. 

 Where is it? 

You can have them at Epique (Empire Damansara ), Folgerphobia (Bukit Jalil) , 

Espresso Lab (SS15), Lewisgene (Mont Kiara) , TBC (Kota Kemuning) and Crave (Oasis Ara Damansara). 

TBC,  CRAVE AND LEWISGENE are the new babies of the month!  Yayyyy!  

Now you can have a piece of us everywhere,  anywhere.  :D